help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
