I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
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