my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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