I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
