I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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