I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
