2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
one two three fourrrrnication!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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