What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
