Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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