I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I want a musical about memes.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
