dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
