I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
