Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
