i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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