Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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