she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
