Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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