I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
