Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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