I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
