Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?