Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
smell my finger.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
