didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
ok i will unlock the door
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
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We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
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Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra