We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!