I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
