I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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