Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
