if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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