i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
