I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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