doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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