I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
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Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
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we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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