Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
