I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
