Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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