your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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