All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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