I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
