About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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