Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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