Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
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My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
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I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
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