Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
