He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
