is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
