also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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