Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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