Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
