3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
If its not for food we ain't going out.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
