Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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