new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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