I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
