meet me or not, i'm out of control
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
