How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
