I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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