It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
