i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
