It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
