I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
