someone owes me an orgasm
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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