she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
