Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(440): View more from Ohio

wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant

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(518): View more from New York

I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me

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(713): View more from Texas

After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.

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(253): View more from Washington

You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.

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(207): View more from Maine

I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.

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(410): View more from Maryland

I hate how she's getting mean with age

(240): View more from Maryland

Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.

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