If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
