i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
