Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
