I accidentally burped into my bong.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
