He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
