Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
