shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
