The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
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He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
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We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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