I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
