Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize