Is it normal to miss your booty call?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
